The Petite Lap Giraffe

     It all started innocently enough I suppose. A commercial featuring a "nutty" Russian (because we know those behind the iron curtain are just so "nutty") and his little bitty, tiny, cute, adorable, micro-sized Giraffe. Now the commercial was alright, but this giraffe caught everyones attention. Why? IT ISN'T REAL. If miniature giraffe's existed, don't you think some freak celebrity would have one by now. It would be like the new Chihuahua craze.
     Imagine my surprise when I stumble into a conversation with a friend about the Sokoblovsky Farms. They supposedly raise Petite Lap Giraffes, and that is where the cute little thing in the commercial came from. At this point, I am rather amused and then I am directed to their website. www.petitelapgiraffe.com. If you have not clicked this link yet, I will warn you that hilarity and cuteness will ensue by clicking.
     Yep, right there on their front page is the webcam to the bull giraffe Vladimir. If not see him, don't worry he come back.    As if this isn't enough, there are some rather cute pictures on the photos page. Now, if your cuteness threshold has not been surpassed, you can click to the calves page where you can see photos of Vladimir (the bull) and Svetlana (the cow). Come on, who gives their pet petite lap giraffes Russian Porn Star Names? That is not the only draw to this page though is it. Oh no! There is that button isn't there? It's just screaming to you "click me, click me, you know want giraffe, just click me". So, being the schmuck that I am I clicked the button to discover that Prince is the next person in life to receive a petite lap giraffe, and that I am number 282, 121. No worries here though because the next calf will be born in 156 days. Then the next person on the list only has to wait the 420 day gestation period for another calf (assuming that Svetlana gets pregnant 10 minutes) after giving birth. At that rate, it will only be 118,490,820 days until I my own petite lap giraffe can be born. That is 324,632 years from now. I can't wait.
     If the insanity of clicking that button wasn't enough, I took it to the next level and called the 1-800 number listed. I was hoping that I could get around that waiting period. Sadly, all I got was an answering machine directing me to the website. The recording was good for a chuckle though. It is not quite as funny as everything you can learn about the petite lap giraffes on the about page though.
      I can just hear the meeting of unbelievable creatures that is taking place right now.
Alien - "This meeting will come to order. Bigfoot read last weeks minutes"
Bigfoot - "ate minutes. sorry"
Santa - "any new business this week"
Diet Dr. Pepper Guy - " I vote we take a break and have a diet dr. pepper"
All unbelievable creatures (laughing) - "you don't exist, we're having whiskey"
Easter Bunny - "I would like to introduce a new creature to our meeting. The Petite Lap Giraffe"
All unbelievable creatures (laughing) - "no, really. you have to be kidding. Right?"
yada yada yada

BTW, my favorite thing about the petite lap giraffe is that it eats bonsai tree leaves, and bathes in bubble bath. Wow, a sentence that in my entire life I never imagined forming......